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Just for Her


Keeping the Passion Alive

If you and your husband felt there was something missing in your relationship when you first got married, it almost certainly wasn't passion. While the intense desire you felt when you made love for the first time may have dwindled some by the time you reached the alter, your sexual relationship was likely still very much alive and kicking.

Eventually, though, the honeymoon comes to an end. Enter the pressures of daily life. With 40-hour work weeks, making sure the mortgage is paid, keeping the house (somewhat) presentable on a daily basis, and choosing from 100 different TV channels, it's easy to see how sex could lose its spark. Fortunately for couples everywhere, there are a few simple ways to help get it back.

  • Make time for sex. It may seem strange to set time aside for what is supposed to be spontaneous, unbridled passion. In the past, perhaps it was common for you to indulge your impulses. You may even remember a few occasions in which you were totally overwhelmed with desire that you dropped everything you were doing so you could have sex right then and there. If you want to feel that kind of passion again, you've simply got to spend put more time and effort into making it happen. While spontaneity is exciting, so is the anticipation of something planned. Set aside an evening to be in each other's company - the kind of company you kept when you and your husband were dating. Put the kids to bed, turn off the television, and enjoy a glass of wine. Keeping the passion alive involves actively prioritizing lovemaking by making time for it.

  • Wear something sexy. Men are visual creatures. In other words, they're turned on by what they see rather than what they hear or how they feel. Use this to your advantage by investing in some pretty lingerie that makes you feel super sexy. If you're feeling especially frisky and really want to get his pulse racing, consider a little game of dress-up. French maid and nurse outfits are popular choices, and not just at costume parties! If you think you'll feel awkward buying outfits like these in public when it's not Halloween, consider doing your shopping online.

  • Don't go to bed angry. It is quite common for women to bury unresolved feelings in an attempt to avoid confrontation for fear it might lead to an argument. Resentment, hurt feelings and anger toward your partner, especially keeping it pent up inside, can all have a negative effect in the bedroom. Resolve conflicts before either of you call it a night. Be open and honest with your partner from the very beginning. Talk to each other about your feelings before you let them control your sex life.

  • Keep some things private. Consider the fact that being less intimate with each other could actually bring you closer in the bedroom. This idea may not work for all couples, but it could work for you. When he's clipping his toenails and you're using the bathroom with the door open, you might find it difficult to see each other as the steaming hot sexual beings you once did. Try to establish more personal privacy in your relationship. Floss and clip your toenails on your own time. Close the door to the bathroom while you use it. You may even want to dress and undress separately. This way, seeing each other naked will happen in a more sexual context than it does in an ordinary everyday situation.

  • Change it up a bit. Consider your normal sexual routine. When you have sex, do you always do it at the same time every time? In the same place? Does it feel typical and repetitive? Try to break the pattern by doing the opposite of what you normally do. If you tend to make love at night before you go to sleep, try doing it in the morning as soon as you wake up. If it normally takes forty minutes with plenty of foreplay, try a quickie somewhere other than the bed. This should help sex feel new and exciting, like it was before you got married.

  • Communicate, communicate, communicate. Just like anything else, your sexual preferences can change. What used to turn you on may simply not do it for you anymore. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you'd prefer instead, and show him how much you enjoy it by communicating it to him in any way you'd like. Even outside the bedroom, simply communicating what you love about each other can help keep passion alive.

  • Reminisce together. Think back to the early days of your relationship when the sex could be described as earthmoving. Ah, the good old days. So what happened? Sex therapists often encourage couples to remember what sex was like when they first met to find out what it was that made it so wonderful. Recreate the excitement of having sex in the room down the hall from your parents by making love somewhere where there's a chance of getting caught, like in the back row of a movie theater or in the backseat of a car at a lookout spot.

Above all else, remember that what you put into your sex life is what you get out of it. If you feel like the flames of your passion have been reduced to embers, spend more time trying to reignite it.



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